Darkness my old friend?

“Hello darkness, my old friend..”   Is darkness an old friend or is it a foe?  Darkness to me means depression and anxiety, it is not my friend but I am acquainted with it.  I have always seen it as a foe, but the problem with that is that I have also seen it larger than life.  It is something that shows up unexpectedly during seasons of struggle and weariness.  It reminds me of the monster in the scary movie that pops up unexpectedly and causes the heroine/hero to scream and runaway to escape its evil grasp.  Sometimes our heroine/hero finds something to fend the monster off for the time being, but it only gives her/him a short reprieve.    Eventually she/he escapes unless the person being chased is the “expendable crew member”.  Thankfully by the end of the movie, the hero/heroine has destroyed the monster, but they had to first come up with a plan, which usually involves the support of others.

This morning I woke up feeling overwhelmed and anxious with my life situation as well as dealing with a recent reoccurring struggle with a negative attitude. A bad attitude tends to lead me to the cycle of guilt and shame, which then leads to depression, if I don’t nip in the bud and get to the root of the problem immediately! 

So here I was again with the monster of depression and anxiety popping up its ugly head and I didn’t like it! Instead of seeing it as an unconquerable enemy and trying to run away from it, or let it “run” me, as I would in the past; I was able to accept it as a foe that is not larger than life, nor larger than my God.  As I continue to face it head on, I believe it can be conquered with support of the Lord and others.   

 This realization is coming to me more and more that I don’t have to try and hide from this battle against the “monster”.  Instead I can recognize it for what it is, and invite Jesus to be there with me in the midst.  It threatens to eat me up, but it can’t, because the Lord is with me and He will help me overcome it.  The “monster” tries to make me feel like I must run and hide, because I am alone, but that is a lie.  The Lord has given me his support and the support of people that I can call on.  I don’t have to be a “Lone Ranger”, there are others that understand and that are “there” for me. 

You know Jesus, said, “I am the way, the truth and the life…”, He also said, “The truth sets you free.”. I have found these two statements to become a truth I can depend on.  As I stop hiding from the “monsters” in my life and I honestly bring them forward, I feel the chains of anxiety, fear, guilt, shame; depression, etc… fall off.  The Lord brings true perspective to my life and as I accept the loving support I need, my heart feels at peace again.

If you are facing a “monster” today, my prayer is that you will know that Jesus stands with you and you can ask others to stand alongside you.

Love,

Triss

(Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence ……

by Simon and Garfunkel)

(Hello Jesus, my dear friend,

I’ve come to speak with you again.

 Because a lie so subtle starts to seep in.

It’s destructions starts to begin.

 I need your truth, I need your life

 for the darkness threatens to come in.

 I don’t want to give in, to the sounds of silence.)

By Triss Curtis