Almost every morning I wake up with a feeling of anxiety that doesn't go away until I get up, read my bible and pray. Some of the anxiety is from internal stress and the other is from external stress. There are several situations that I would prefer to be different, but they are not and I don't have any control over them. I can't change these situations and that is where the problem lies for me.
I feel like I'm in a vulnerable place where I am like a child again, asking her daddy to protect and help her through the day. I need to depend on God's grace moment by moment. My strength is not enough and this is very humbling.
I am also quite aware of my shortcomings lately and feel more self-critical. It's like I am fighting to remain in a place of grace for myself, as well as to pour out that grace upon others, specifically those that are the closest to me.
Yesterday when I was thinking how weary I felt in the battle, a picture of a piece of clay being shaped on a potters wheel came to mind. It started me thinking about the pottery classes I attended in College. I had to first center my clay on the wheel and then put the correct pressure inside and outside of the clay so that I could shape it into the vessel I desired it to be. Without the pressure, the clay would not move in any direction and it would still just be a lump of clay.
God does the same in our lives, He knows the right amount of "pressure" that we need, so we are changed into a vessel that is beautiful and useful in His hands. He even uses our internal pressures for our good. The times of "pressure" can cause growth in our lives if we allow ourselves to be flexible and moldable in the hands of the Potter.
So even though it "hurts", I am trying to live in a place of surrender to the Lord's "pressure" on my life because I want it to change me for the better. I often find myself having to surrender to the Lord multiple times a day, but as I do, I find the place of peace again, where the internal struggle subsides, in the midst of the external pressures.
Isaiah 64:8 King James Version (KJV)
8 But now, O Lord, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand.
